Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
3pm strippers are depressing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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