one two three fourrrrnication!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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