my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
