So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
