I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm both gender and math confused
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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