white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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