You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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