Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
