Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
