we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
