I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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