I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
