I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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