So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
