I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
