Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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