Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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