It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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