Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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