He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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