trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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