remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
