laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
