My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
