They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
