Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
