If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
