it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
