I accidentally had phone sex last night
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
