Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need water and some morals
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize