Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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