Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
