Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
