You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize