I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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