SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
