He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
