Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
