I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
