My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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