I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize