I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
