Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
