Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
