I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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