and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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