it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
