i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
