don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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