somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come see our sink grown plant.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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