i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she told me i tasted like america
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
