I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
