the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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