i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
