god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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