There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
