Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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