imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
