is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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