after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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