Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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