As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
