capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
