Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
