I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
