I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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