I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
