Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize