i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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