Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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