I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
