Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
