Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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