here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
