for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
