Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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